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Beleive it or not, Tweezer, I didn't catchh nuthin' on fire 'cept the stuff that I wanted on fire but it was close... Man, them Iron Citys musta got on me purdy good last night 'cause from the looks of the tractor this mornin' looks as if the tractor and me musta spent 'bout as much time in the fire as outta the fire... The enitre bucket is covered in soot... Man, I gotta give up this drenking so I can better remember all the fun I have...

Well, renemalin, thanks fir both them warm welcomes, though one woulda been fine... Ahhhh, what's renemalin???
Yo, bluesslave... My son and his mother live in Portland... HIs name is Will (no, it's not Bobert, it's Ben... Ahhhh, don't ask) but he ain't into the blues... He wites rap music and ain't half bad... Hard hat??? Shoot, I gotta hard head... Tweed 'ill tell ya'...

Jerry... Yiou know this is yer fault me bein' here, don't cha??? You had to remind me of my remissedness (is that a word?) and here I am...

Oh, gotta tell a story... I'll keep it short... (haha)... So today me and the P-Vine (wife, more later on her...) went down to Fredricksburg, Va. for lunch and fun and, of course, seein' as the world's coolest geetra shop, Pickers Supply, just happens to be there what's a guy to do but stop in and say "hey" to the owner, Bran Dilliard...

Now 'bout 4 years back I was in ther and Bran loves to hide the cool stuff in his office but seein' I've bought and traded a few geetars with him over the years he always has something to darg out and back 4 years ago it was a 30's National plectum tricone for $3500... Well, I wanted that geetar real bad but I knew that the P-Vine would kick my butt right there in the geetar shop if I even so much as said I wanted it so we left...

That little National eat on me fir 3 weeks until one night I coyuldtake it any more and so I asked her if we could buy it on the MasterJip card and she said, okay and so I couldn't sleep that night... Next day I called when they opened and that geetar had been sold!!!

"Yikes". I said and promised that I'd never let another one get away...

Today, Bran walks back in his office and brings out the sweetest playing and sweetest sounding mid 30's Gibson arch top, f-hole tenor geetar that has ever been made...

Eeeeeowwwwweeeeee, baby... You sho nuff lookin good...

So I plays it fir 'bout 15 minutes with half dozen folks standing 'round listenin' and the P-Vine comes into the store to collect me and I ain't quite looked at the price tag yet... I figured the thing fir about $1500 but the price tag read $3250 which is too rich for that particular geetar but I blamed not buyin' it on her, you know, kinda like that 300 pound guy who is gettin' pressured to buy a used pickup truck he don't want and says, "I gotta go home and talk it over with the little woman"...

Yup... Had it been that National I might have a different story fir ya' all... But it's a story, ain't it???

Yo, D-Eye... Good to see ya here, too... Good to have friends 'round if I should end up needin' some bail money...

Thanks, Sas...

Just a couple hundred more and I'll take out Moses in Ripley's Believe It or Not so ya' all keep them birthday wishes comin' in... Heck, Moses has had his 15 minutes of fame... I mean, like what did he do??? No, don't tell me 'casue I'm about to tell you all...

Moses was a slacker... When he went up on the mountain God gave him 3 tablets to bring down but bein' the slacker that he was he figured that God weren't watchin' so he left one of them just a couple hundred feet down the mountain and on it were the last 5 Commandments...

Yeah, I know that lot of you think that it was "sposed to be the "Ten Commandments" 'cause you is old and saw the movie with Charleston Heston and thought that it was the truth... Bull feathers... God gave Moses 3 tablets and I have it on good sources that the last table with the other 5 commandments has not only been found but interprcted and, well, I thought that fir you folks who think you have been livin' the righteous life and expect to be rewarded that ignorance of the law ain't no excuse so ya' all better listen up 'er perahps end up with an eternities worth of Hell fire:

11th Commandment: Thou shalt not play a banjo...

12th Commandment: Thou shalt not dis Eric Clapton...

13th Commandment: Thou shalt not Bogart the joint...

14th Commandment: Thou shalt not play a banjo...

(But, Sidewalk, that makes the 11th and 14th Commandment the same... What gives???)

Well the best I can figure is that some obnoxiuos banjo player had made it into Heaven and was keepin' God up all night long with that noise so He wanted to be sure that we got it... Ya' all hear??? But, as difficult a task as it is, nevermind banjo players... This is about the last of the "15 Commandments" and here is the last one...

15th Commnadment: Thou shalt not not be a butthead...

Yep, that one is my favorite... It kind superceeds all the rst of 'um, especially that asse's wife one that you gonna need Johnny Cockran to help you out with... Hey, I may be a hillbilly... Okay, I am a hillbilly but I ain't got no interets in donkeys or their wives and I am amazed to discover that donkeys even get married... I ain't never seen no weddin bands in their hoofs...

Now, word on the street, 'er make that mountain path, is that there's another tablet that Slacker Moses left up there that ain't been found as yet makin' the Ten Commandments the Twenty Commandments... Maybe, just maybe, they'll find it soon and more folks will have a guide to rigteous living but until then...

... eat, drenk, play blues and be merry for tomorrow??? The landlord may throw yer butt out!!!

Okay, bluesslave, come clean...

Yiou been a butthead??? 'Er, in my book, worse in Bogartin' that joint???

Nevermind, yer from Oregon, right...

Bad, bad, B-slave...

...Pass that somabich on over 'er...

... face and etrenity in Hell fire...

(Man, don'tcha just hate it when you go out and spend perfectly good dough on some stuff that yer guy says is like "two hit stuff" and then you roll a righteous one, light it and send it off and it never returns???)

I know exactly what God meant there... Only problem ios why he had to get into yer neighobrs asses before gettin' 'round the important stuff???

That's my 1st question fir the Big Guy...

Hey, Bluz... Gol danged, the whole gang is here...

Even my ol' harp playin' bud, J-Bone... That you, bud... Man, geeze of pete... Hey folks... This guy is one of ther finest harp players in the universe... He put a track on a song a wrote a few years back and what he did 'ill put the shivers in ya'... Okay, the name of the song was "Iced In Blues" but it was j-bones harp that made the song, fir sure...

Yo, lionmojo... Stay away from the zoos... Word on the street is they are all getting ready to make the fences higher and you won't be able to sneek out to the juke joints at night...

As fir PM'in Moses, if he does respond he's gonna disobey one of the first commandments... You know the liein' one... No not lion, mojo... I meanm fact it, Moses has been caught with his pants down here 'cause he's a slacker... Hey, he coulda just told God it might takes two trips to get all four stone tablets down off the mountain... Shoot, he could paid someone to help him... But just walkin' a couple hundred feet with them and then hidin' a couple under the bush---no not the brning bush-- was, ahhhhh, what slackers do... No wonder he lived to be 800 years old... He was lazy...

That's the way I seez it anyway...